The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."  Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
1.You have a dirty mind
2.You didn't read your homework, and
3.One day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

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Question: How does a man know if he has a high sperm count?  Answer: His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows!

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A 17 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very  worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy test. The test is positive. Shouting, swearing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the b*stard that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll do her again."
 

Q. What's the Australian kiss?  A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves on one of the bedroom walls, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall. She's immediately touched by the amount of thought he's put into organizing the display. There are small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She finds it strange for a young man to have such a large collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. All the while she's thinking to herself ... This is wonderful! Maybe this guy could be the one! Maybe he could father my children!...etc. She turns to him...they kiss.. and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, strokes his chest and asks coyly, ..........."Well, how was it?"  The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
 

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"  "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

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A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."  "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

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